Beguiling Guilt
It accompanies us throughout life, taking its seat at our right hand from an early age, and leaving us not, even in sleep. We come to cherish it as a best friend, not because of any particular attribute it might possess, but because we’ve grown so accustomed to its presence, that we would be utterly lost if it got up and walked out on us one day. Plainly speaking, guilt is just no good, but if we can learn to bury the hatchet and place it on an unconscious backburner, then our lives can proceed on an even keel. After all, the conventional wisdom and a host of psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, ministers, shamans, and new-age gurus tell us that we were not placed on this earth to punish ourselves. The trite ring in the confessional that we cannot begin to love others until we love ourselves may take on new luster and dynamism, if applied to everyday guilty pleasures that paralyze the mind, in much the same manner as the obsessions and compulsions of he who would like to cast the first stone but is wont to find a suitable geologic specimen. Rid the mind of guilt in the quotidian, and quality of life can only improve. In short, bad can achieve that end, and bad can, indeed, be good. Perhaps a few examples will convince you, the reader, of the wisdom of those words. After all, sages are not born. They are constructed on the foundations of years and years of trial and error.
Let’s look at something as simple as cursing or swearing. We all do it, but whoever thought that it might be good for us? A volley of f-words can be as therapeutic as a stream of consciousness on a shrink’s couch. Cursing has been found to minimize physical and emotional pain by stepping up our inherent physiological fight-or-flight mechanism and releasing natural pain relievers. Researchers in England have found that people who immerse their hands in ice water tolerate it longer when they swear up and down. Damn those ice cubes!
We often turn to alcohol, or worse, when our coping mechanisms short circuit. Guilt has driven many a good man or woman into the arms of Johnny Walker, Jack Daniels, or Jim Beam, and many of us have pursued or been pursued by a Wild Turkey. Whoever thought, however, that a bartender’s poison might lift the Sword of Damocles from our hearts, if not from our minds? In fact, moderate alcohol intake, while remaining guilty as charged for increasing detox and rehabilitation center reservations and DWI dockets, nonetheless reduces the risk for cardiovascular disease, the leading cause of death in the United States. The challenge comes from building both a salubrious psyche and a tamed ticker, preferably at the expense of no more than one drink a day in women and two in men.
Smartphones and multitasking have taken their toll on dog days and downtime. The rat race we run in has become ever more frenetic, as we juggle appointments, sprint errands, and rush to the finish line, all in the name of keeping up with the Joneses and putting away that nest egg for our golden years. While we do more and more each day, we learn less and less, as our long-term memories have been sacrificed for a semblance of betterment in the here and now. Our minds no longer wander, with the daily so goal-directed, and that simple game of Monopoly on a back porch, so popular just yesterday, is disparaged as an utter waste of time today. Lo and behold, we couldn’t be further from the truth! Researchers at New York University, in fact, have found that relaxing not only helps the memory but also aids the brain in processing prior experiences during periods of awake rest. So, the next time someone guilt trips you for laying around and doing nothing, be sure to declare in no uncertain terms that your brain made you do it. Who knows, being a little lazy might even be fun!
Leaving our beds unmade provides instant gratification in the short term, only to engender self-recrimination and feelings of worthlessness, indolence, and filthiness in ourselves hours or days later. But what if we could justify those unmade beds? Researchers across the great pond in England appear to have heard our collective call. They have found that the average bed houses 1.5 million dust mites, and, abracadabra, leaving the sheets turned down is a potent weapon against them, as mites can’t survive in the dry conditions of an unmade bed. Children, the next time your mothers scold you for not making you beds, just stand your ground and tell them you are doing your fair share in the good fight against dust mites.
While we’re having so much fun debunking fallacious assertions and simultaneously ridding ourselves of pent-up guilt, let’s throw a few more logs on the therapeutic, soul-searching fire set to consume the dry branches and cobwebs of mythical “do’s and don’ts.” Whoever thought that actions as bad or deleterious as chewing gum, venting, fidgeting, or eating fat at every meal could be good for what ails us? Nonetheless, sugar-free chewing gum is relaxing and can help us eat less; venting our anger can lower our blood pressures; fidgeting and moving around can aid circulation and burn extra calories; and a tablespoon of “good” fat, such as nuts or avocados, at every meal can help our bodies absorb nutrients and vitamins.
Finally, and perhaps the most important means of combating and eradicating guilt, if the latter is indeed possible, is catharsis. While women may be from Venus and men from Mars, they can find common ground here on Earth in the sanctimonious confines of a religious retreat methodology and surroundings. The Catholic Church, for example, has exorcised the guilt of many of its followers through a retreat called ACTS, the acronym standing for “adoration, community, theology, and service.” Without going into the details of ACTS, for both lack of space and the sincere desire on the part of the author for the readers to discover the same peace he found last month on his retreat, suffice it to say that we are all broken toys, and whether it takes a retreat or a witchdoctor to repair that damage, the important thing is to begin the work of beguiling guilt. Becoming one’s own best friend is the lion’s share of a good start.
Bad can be good, but only if guilt has seen better days.
© 2010, Albert M. Balesh, M.D. All rights reserved.
posted by Dr. Al at
9/05/2010 09:02:00 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home